Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose When Life Hurts
by Sara Frankl and Mary Carver
Books always come to me right when they should.
Choose Joy is co-authored by Sara Frankl and Mary Carver. Katie Connors from FaithWords at Hachette Book Group offered me the memoir in January 2016 in exchange for an honest review.
Free book from Hachette? You bet.
It arrived, I read the book jacket and shelved it. What was I thinking that I could review a book about a woman with a terminal disease after losing dad to ALS and mom to lung cancer?
I’d pick the book up occasionally, read a paragraph or two of the introduction by Mary Carver and put it back.
Just. Not. Ready.
I read “Life’s That Way,” in May and thought, okay, I survived Jim Beaver’s eloquent chronicle of the passing of his wife and thought, now I’m ready.
In I dove and I think I will never be the same. This book was a hard slap in the face, saying to me, you think you have faith? Check out this faith.
Ms. Carver’s interweaving of introductory paragraphs followed by excerpts of Sara’s blogs works to tune you into a life of choosing joy despite what life has tossed your way.
The choice to be joyful comes directly from a complete openness to God’s presence, will, and action in your life. He has a plan.
Being in my late 50s, I’m facing the question so many of my contemporaries are—is this my life? Am I doing the right things? The ponderings echo and are hard taken on their own. When you add in Christian faith, they become compounded by realizing that it’s not what I want, it’s what God wants of me. A point that Sara clearly conveys.
I’m in the midst of Francis Chan’s “Crazy Love” Bible study and he asks these questions as well. Are we living a life centered on Jesus? If not, do we want to and do we realize what is involved in living in accordance with that?
I’m learning that it means Choosing Joy in my every day.
Here are excerpts that particularly impacted me:
Page 63: Sara’s life goals after her illness are good for anyone, anytime:
1. To not be ashamed to stand before God.
2. To fulfill God’s plan by living the best life I can with what I am given.
3. To be aware and present in every moment.
4. To spread the joy, not the pain.
5. To be intentional in all things.
Page 78: Sara discusses what makes her life full and that it is full because of her faith in Christ. “God has given me everything I needed as I’ve needed it.”
Page 107: “I ask God to help me make the choice.”
Page 108: “In her book One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp says, ‘Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life of continual thanks.’ Sara said, ‘I don’t have a lot of distractions between me and God. I don’t have a hurried existence. I don’t have a job and husband and children and errands or just plain old life to distract me.’” This is a perspective that made me truly question where and how I spend my time each day. Am I putting God first?
Page 125: “I have to focus. Life made me focus. And I realize now I should have spent more time focusing as a choice instead of what it is now: a necessity.”
Page 145: On being the childless friend: “Actually, I think motherhood should come with a friend who is childless. I think what a mom sometimes wants is for another person to love her child with extreme abandon. A person who doesn’t put another child in front of her own as a measuring stick.” As a woman whose niece and nephew are now in their 30s, I can attest to loving them from a point of unconditional love that taught me how to love others just as deeply.
I, too, am not religious, but do appreciate the premise of this book and blog – choosing joy. (And my “prayer without ceasing,” is just a daily one of gratitude for this life – air, water, sun, friends, heat, shelter, food, wine …… toilet paper ). Made me think of this quote I saw on a blog called Note to Self: “What is my purpose in life?” I asked the void. “What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life?” Said the voice. “Or when you paid for that young couple in that restaurant? Or when you saved that dog in traffic? Or when you tied your father’s shoes for him? Your problem is that you equate purpose with goal-based achievement. God or the universe or morality isn’t interested in your achievements … just your heart. When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion, and love, [ and I, Karen, might add joy here] you are already aligned with your true purpose. No need to look further.”
You have always been a joy-filled person, Karen! One of the many things I love about you and having you as my friend!
It is a choice and sometimes we are required to push through in order not to be held down by the challenges that come our way.
Sara’s point on page 108 stood out for me as it referred to the time she had to give to God as she has no spouse or children. Even with family commitments you are expected to find time for God which is not at all easy. No wonder Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7 vs 8:
“It is good for them to stay unmarried as I do, but if they cannot control themselves then they should marry as it is better for them to marry than to burn.”
You’re right, Phoenicia and that passage in Corithians always strikes a cord with me. Making time for God first is big on my list of life things to do this year.
All the best to you and yours, RoseMary!!
Same to you, GP.
I’ll soon be posting a blog about being at the Pearl Harbor Veteran’s event at Ft DeRussy…those folks are something else.
Hello Rose, this post reminded me of two things. The first: The peace of God which surpasses all understanding, shall keep your hearts, your minds through Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:7. That verse to me is in a nutshell Choose Joy whatever comes your way. Your post also reminds me of the story behind the hymn It Is Well with My Soul…the man who wrote that lovely hymn after all his children died in a shipwreck. What a testament to faith. The hymn takes on a whole new meaning after reading about that.
Thank you for bringing this hymn to my world, Susan. I just read the lyrics and the story behind it. Amazing faith for sure. And I love the Phillippians quote. “Shall keep your heart,” isn’t that beautiful?
I’m not religious (at all) but I love stories of strength and inspiration, and this book sounds like a wonderful read. Thank you so much for sharing with us Rose Mary!
I’ve had a long journey to my Christian faith, Marquita (http://wp.me/p1FWrn-Lq). But I am thankful for every step of it because without it, I’d have never survived the losses of my folks eight months apart. This book is truly inspiring. I hope you read it just to enjoy Sara’s journey.
Thank you, Rose Mary, for introducing us to the lovely book. Will be looking forward to reading the book as well as sharing it with my other reader friends about it.
Loved the excerpts you have shared, I am as well trying to live by Sara’s life goals.
Sushmita, I’m going to post Sara’s goals and your lessons on the bulletin board at my desk. This year was great in so many blessed ways that I think 2017 is going to be even more stellar…”with a little help from my friends.”
I’m not overly religious, but the message of choosing joy is one that can benefit people from all walks of life. We all have bad stuff happen to us. Me? Growing up with a bipolar mother and then ending up with an addict husband who abandoned me has been rough, but not as rough as some people have it. I could roll over and choose misery, but it’s a better use of energy and healthier to try to stay healthy.
Given your glaringly positive outlook on life, Jeri, I cannot imagine you ever choosing a path that doesn’t involve optimism and generosity. Your honest openness continual shines. I’m glad you share that with us!
Rose Mary — I particularly liked the quote from page 145. I don’t have children of own — I do have stepchildren and grandchildren. I’m particularly close to one grandchild. I’m also very close friends with my nieces and nephews. We enjoy each other’s company and I’m always included in all their family events. I may not have had children but I’ve had a rich life and to quote a friend, “If you feel the need to nurture, you can always borrow a friend’s child for a day.” That child will receive unconditional love and attention, as the author points out.
Jeannette, you and I are both blessed to have kids in our lives that we can send home at the end of the day. Ha ha. (If you have a moment, read: How my niece and nephew raised me. (http://wp.me/p1FWrn-eL)
Those relationships we forge with the little ones can sometimes be the light that shines us through our darkest moments. Yeah!
A hard book to read, but I’m glad you found it rewarding. As a kid, I started reading the book, Death Be Not Proud (which if you don’t know, was written in maybe the 40s and chronicles a teenage son who has terminal brain cancer. This kid’s story seemed very real to me as I attended the sister school to the school he attended when I was 15. So he felt like someone I could have known had we lived at the same time. I don’t think I got through it, but there is definitely something to be said for facing the uncomfortable and finding peace where you can.
Erica, I haven’t thought about Death Be Not Proud for many years. I remember the movie with Robby Benson, but I don’t know if I read the book. It was, as a teenager, the first time something like that crossed my life and I remember being very startled by it. I will put it on next year’s reading list.
This is an encouraging article.
As a fellow Christian I understand the importance of having faith and joy despite our circumstances. I know from experience it is far easier to say than do but not at all impossible.
We each have a purpose and it is entirely down to us whether we fulfil it. I do know we will struggle to have contentment if we do not find our calling.
Have you read the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren? I highly recommend it.
I like that you found this encouraging, Phoenicia. Sara’s faith was astounding and gave me a lot to pondering. You’re right–it’s a lot easier to talk about than to do. I’m working on it!
I have read PDL and am now doing the Francis Chan Crazy Love study–it is really hitting home for both me and the friend doing it with me. Wow.
Thanks for the introduction to this book Rose Mary. I’ll check out Amazon for Choose Joy. I appreciate Sara’s life goals as stated on page 63 – those are words we all should try to live by.
I’d like to hear your assessment of the book, Lenie, so let me know if you wind up reading it. It resounds.